Monday 10 May 2010

Alphashite - DJ

I’m not sure if I was missing something a couple of years ago, but the disgusting sensation that was Alphabeat never quite hit me. To me they just looked like Steps trying to reinvent themselves and gain some actual credibility, without realising they were fighting a lost cause. Somehow they saw some chart success with a top ten album and single, but then so did Steps. That by no means makes them any good.

‘DJ’ is a three-minute long, cheery plea for ‘Something I can dance to’, a bit like The Scissor Sisters, but without that little self-mocking element that makes them ok. They could enter this into the Eurovision Song Contest but it’d probably be beaten by some Scandinavian heavy rock gimmick, and rightly so. They’ve thrown in some lack-lustre scratching to appeal to morons that might find that cool. It’s like Cottoneye Joe slowed down to a point where it loses any novelty value or the kind of band that would be an integral part of a kids TV show, if all the sense in the world disappeared. I could compare Alphabeat to other shit things for days, but the truth is, not many things are as shit as Alphabeat.

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